i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Randomize
