I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Randomize
