if you like me you must not know who I am
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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