you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
