At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
