So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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