So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
