1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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