everyone is single if you try hard enough
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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