Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Randomize
