Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
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