Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I think your dad took our porno
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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