Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
