Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
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