And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
