you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
