Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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