My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
