dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
