Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
