I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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