I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
