You can't motorboat a personality
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
