My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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