Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
