You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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