Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
