I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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