I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
