Umm I'm too high to move.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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