We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
We were destined to go to rehab together
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
