you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
