Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Hippo gnu deer
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Randomize
