at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
