Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
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