You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize