Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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