I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
