bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
