I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
