Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
