Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
