You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
