I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
