Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
