he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
