The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Randomize
