i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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