I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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