I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
