We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
